When I went to pick up Christopher, I had to control
myself. Tears were flowing as I drove home. I tried
not to let him see or hear me.

We arrived home, got dinner over with, he got sick, I
cleaned it up. YUCK!

I promised him he could go on the computer to make faces and
see a favorite video manamah!

While we were making funny faces in Photo Booth I came across
video we made in January of Rich, myself singing Your are my sunshine (Rich playing the guitar).
I of course starting to cry!

It is only 6 weeks but it seems longer that he has been gone. Just to hear his voice and how he use to act
brought back so many good memories.

I hate God for taking him away from us so soon!

I hate God or the force of life for taking my Rich away from me.

Nothing is the same anymore.

All I have left is Christopher which is a blessing but scary too!
He needs me. He depends on me.

I am angry at Rich for leaving us.

I love him so….. tears are flowing now.

I am told that it will get better… but nothing will replace the emptiness in my heart and soul.
My soul is damaged forever.

Why did I let myself fall in love.
Why did I leave myself open to this heartache, this unbearable pain?

Life!

I don’t care anymore.
Only to make sure my son is healthy, happy, grows up to be a good, gentle, kind, loving man.

I just upset my mother in-law. I had no intentions of doing so.
Why can’t I keep my big mouth shut!!!!!!!

She caught me in one of my upset crying moods….