I woke up around 4 a.m. crying, I didn’t take my pills to help me
relax as I was falling asleep on my own, I had been dreaming of Rich.
This set the mood for the rest of the day. Tears at work, tears on the way to pick
Christopher up at daycare. Tears talking with Nora while sitting in the front porch
after putting it back together from taking the rug out and painting the floor.
Tears talking to my dad and then to Rich’s mom.
Tears while making a video of "Our Memories".
I think I had a past life dream or recall this morning.
I saw Rich in another time (1920’s era), he was wearing a light gray suit,
black shoes, though he didn’t look like he did now, but his eyes and mannerisms were the same.
It was like he was waiting for me to pass over, he greeted me as I slipped from one life to the afterlife.
I was wearing a brown skirt below the knee, a coat blouse with fir around the collar. I had a flapper hair style with a hat. I can’t fully
describe the hat as I don’t have the words to do so. It was folded and had a dusty rose coloured flower on the side. My eyes were greenish brown, more on the green side. As I passed to the other side, (it was like a gentle flow from one room to the other) he greeted me, hand out to take mine. I grasped it and then we started to dance. A slow dance, with him guiding me across the room.
I believe in reincarnation and for this to be so real I know this recall was meant for me to realize that life is a dance and that Rich and I have danced
many times together and will do so again.
I miss him so much…the idea of him not in my and Christopher’s life is very daunting and surreal. When this thought(s) come into my mind,
the anxiety is such that I begin to cry and panic. I am not fully describing how I am feeling as I can’t even put these feelings into words.
Well it is getting late…11:53 p.m.