I managed to survive Christmas with a few tears along the way. He was
not far from my thoughts.
Jeanne did a wonderful thing…she gave each of us a red fabric box with a tag that
read in memory of Rich. Inside was a clear bulb with a gold sparkle ribbon with another
tag on it to be hung on the tree each year.
It read, A feather from an angel
Is one we hardly ever see
But this is quite different
And special as can be
This feather is a reminder
Of a special person’s love
Who is now your guardian angel
Watching and protecting from above
Inside the bulb was a white feather that represented an angel’s feather.
The new medication that I am on is helping me deal with my loss. It is helping me
with the despair and panic and suicidal thoughts that pop into my mind from time to
When I see a picture of Rich I still feel a great sense of loss and pain and disbelief. It is like
he will be coming home someday and I will see him again. Like he is gone on a long trip or journey and
will not be back for a very long time. In a way it is true. I will see him
again, and he has gone on a journey. A journey in which he can only go on at this time.
I know he visits me from time to time as I feel him.
Everyone in my family feels the loss of Rich in our family. He was such a figure in our family, he
was a big part of my family he was a son, a brother and an uncle.
As I write my mind still can’t wrap itself around the notion that he is dead to this world. It is so unbelievable
I no longer care or worry about what his family thinks or feels about me as they are not my family and never
were. It is sad that it has come to that…but I am glad that I know how they have felt about me and that
the vibes and feelings I have been getting off of them from the very beginning were correct.
I know how my husband felt about me and about our life together.
I have wonderful memories of our life together, how we met and fell in love.
I have notes, and letters and pictures and videos of our life together.
No one can take those memories from me.
I know my husband loved me.