The reality of his death is so overwhelming,
so scary, so frightening it brings panic and tears.

This emptiness, this hollowness will it ever leave me?
Wondering what the future could have been is ever so present in my
thoughts.

Anger is still part of me…it is not aimed at Rich but aimed at the Powers that be…Fate…
God….

Last night, I broke down and cried…Christopher came in and asked me why I was said.
"Was it daddy", he asked?
I said yes.
He gave me a hug saying I am here for you mommy.

I asked him if he would go and get me the telephone and he did.
What he said to me as he handed me the phone was…YOU CALL GOD IN HEAVEN
AND ASK HIM TO BRING DADDY BACK!
Can you believe that? A boy of 3.5 years so spiritually intune with things.

I didn’t reply as I didn’t know what to say.

I wish I could call God on the telephone and ask him to bring Rich back.

It doesn’t work that way.
Not in my world anyway!