Eleven Months

Eleven months has past since Rich died.
I visit his grave site regularly. I talk to him even
though I know it is only his body 6 ft below me.
His spirit is with me always.

I brought flowers from the house, tulips from the front garden.
His headstone will be in place before his May 29, birthday.

I miss him so much.
I miss everything about him.
The little things he did. How he talked, how he walked.
Tuesday morning breakfasts (bacon and eggs or French toast)

I miss him so much.

Even now after 11 months, I carry anger within me.
I carry a hardness within my soul, my heart and my emotions.
I don’t know if it will ever go away. Or if it dims with time.

I am angry that he is gone. Plain simple just gone.
NO bargaining, no fighting for him. No control of the situation at all.
He is gone.

Anger with the powers that be for taking what seemed like
a wonderful gift away from me. How cruel, how unkind, how sick!
I had a rough night last night. It took me a long time to get to sleep.
Thinking of Rich.
Talking to him, hoping he was listening.
Screaming and yelling within my mind at GOD with pain.

I feel helpless, small very sad and devastated.

Many positive things have happened in my life over the past few months.
Unexpected positive things.

I wonder if these things will be taken from me too?

I work hard at not looking forward to anything as I will become disappointed at some point.
Or I wait to see how things fall into place before I let my guard down. Though, I did this with Rich and
look what happened.
I trusted "LIFE"!

Life really fucked me around.

About Spiritual Gal

Carolanne is Medium, an Angel Intuitive, Akashic Record Consultant, Integrated Energy Therapist, and Chakra/Crystal Alignment Therapist who works primarily with the angel realm, Ascended Masters and Lords of the Akashic Records with the intention of helping others on their spiritual path or guidance in any area of their lives. Carolanne is currently accepting clients who would like to experience this form of learning, remembering who their souls are and healing. Please check out her web page for further information about Akashic Record readings, IET healing, Angel Intuitive/Angel Card Readings. http://spiritualgalsplace.weebly.com spiritualgalsplace@cogeco.ca
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